"Dinner at Michigan's" is by far my most professional-sounding album. It was four years in the making and has never received a negative review (at least not to my face). Lyrics are all down below if you like that sort of thing.
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3-Year-Old
I don't care about your 3-year-old
Or the way your house is always cold
I don't even care that you've never seen Star Wars
Every time I see your name on my phone
I say to Brad I wish she'd leave me alone
But that's not true and I don't really know why I say it
I don't care that you don't like The Beta Band
Or that you don't give a damn about Spider-Man
You're gonna break me but it's okay
I don't care that much about you anyway
You're gonna break me but it's okay
'Cause we're both killing time til
Something better comes our way
You don't care about Ali G
You never wanna watch Wings with me
You say the dumbest movie you've ever seen is Fight Club
You can't stand the sound of Thom Yorke's voice
You think that Clinic just sounds like noise
You can't even name a single song off Revolver
And you've never heard of Arsenal
And you don't know the meaning of sixes full
Roommate
I think the sky is clearing / I think I'm fearing a total collapse
Of my usual upbeat ways / This modern life is killing me
You're not bad but your roommate is better
If she wanted to teach me a lesson I'd let her
And you're always complaning that you're not having fun
I got news for you baby, you're not the only one
I think this nightmare's ending / I think I'm sending a message to you
That I totally didn't mean to
This modern life is killing me
Get over it
You're a black cat on the grey sidewalk
That crossed my path at the worst time
That I ever thought was possible
This modern way of living's killing me
Will Be
My cell phone's set to vibrate / It's in my front left pocket
Just when I think it's you / It's just a twitch in my leg
You promised that you'd call / I'm not surprised at all
That's just the way you are / The way you always have been
That's just the way you are / The way you always will be
I'm finding other ways / To occupy my days
Trying to mix it up / Trying to keep my mind busy
You're probably at the mall / I haven't crossed your mind at all
But for a day or two I knew / That you were coming 'round
But that was just a passing phase / Now I'm left to find a way
To get myself off the ground
The phone's ringing again / But it's just another friend
Trying to get me out / Trying to get me back in action
It's harder than it sounds / 'Cause you got me so low down
But that's just the way I am / The way I always will be
That's just the way I am / The way I always will be
Cloud City
Reroute all power / They'll be here in an hour
Try it off / Turn if off
Watch out for those towers
My hands are dirty / But there's no time to worry
That's what I thought / We're taking off
But it's kinda blurry
I spend the morning counting every word that's said
But every time I get to ten I lose it in my head
It's now or never but it shouldn't take too long
'Cause every time I fall in line I always get it wrong
My lord the fleet has moved out of lightspeed
Gotta go / But you don't
Oh but you will be
He is too old / But you never would know
What a mess / We will test it on Captain Solo
I spend the evening looking for a place to stay
But every time I get up close there's something in the way
17.28 / Echo station five-seven we're on our way
All right / I'm coming in
Attack pattern delta
I spend the nighttime dreaming schemes to make it rich
But every time I wake back up I end up in the ditch
It's never-ending
It Ain't Me
Grey skies and white lies and empty picture frames
It's enough to make a poor girl wanna cry
But as far I can tell / You'd do better by yourself
So you keep weeping and I'll keep on walking by
Used to be I'd always see you laughing with the guys
But now you're lonely on your favorite holiday
But as far I can see it'd be best to leave you be
So while you're crying I'll be driving on my way
You gotta use all the gifts you got
You gotta strike while the iron's hot
You're gonna find a man but it ain't me
I believe that you and me should probably pack it up
'Cause you're not exactly what I had in mind
'Cause it sure seems like to me you're unstable mentally
So I'll just move along and leave your shit behind
Right Here
Pocket full of white receipts / Glove compartment full of trash
You left behind a warzone in my car and in my head
A magazine lies open on the floor next to your shirt
Everytime I step on it it only makes it worse
But I can't stop trying or denying what you've done to me
If you want me and you need me you know where I'll be found
If you want me and you need me i'll be right here where you left me
Forgotten is the way you laugh / A blue box full of stars
Lights shine down on emptiness while I'm singing in my car
But the rain keeps falling all night long
And you're the one that's keeping me out
You got the answer ahead of time
I'll be around if you change your mind
Stay Jovial
You got what you paid for so don't be upset
That's exactly what you asked for
Don't look back or you'll probably forget
'Cause the time goes by much faster when you're lonely
When you've got no place to go
Stay jovial
Stay jovial or just go home
You like what you're doing / I like that it's not
A constant pressure on me baby
Like it or not you're back on track and it's not so bad but maybe
If you're lucky you'll never be alone
Stay jovial
Stay jovial or just go home
It's not the time to fall to the ground
It's never too late to turn it around
Just look ahead and don't regret a thing
Rolled Up
I promised that I wouldn't curse around ya
I'm sorry that I let that one slip
The headache comes on as sharp as a sickle
It lasts the entire trip
Givin' me aspirin and it's makin me sick
Callin' my name and it's makin me sick
You promised that you wouldn't
Roll down the windows
You know that it fucks up my hair
Sorry, I just dropped the f-bomb
I don't know why you act like you care
It's getting cold, I'll just turn down the air
................
It's getting hard to let the fresh air in
But I'm not about to let you win
The windows stay rolled up
Don't look now but just passed a Wendy's
I know that you were craving some fries
Don't you know you'd get the leather all greasy
I'm not about to tell you twice
Finish your water and chew on the ice
We'll go to McDonald's get a hot apple pie
From a
From a certain side of every sunrise
Shines her evil smile
And the rays of her sick summer smile and I'm
On her desert isle and I'll wait for a while
At a certain age she lost the one thing
I never could replace
And she tells me I'm a little sadder
She sees it in my face for the last thirty days
I don't know what it is that makes
My head feel inside out
When I couldn't guess the color of her eyes
I wonder why I look away
Every time she looks into the mirror
And a wishing well won't wash away the
Devil from her eyes
And I never thought I'd never love her less
Than yesterday
And I don't know any more just what I mean
Every time I call the silence says it all
I hear her on the radio
In every song that plays on 98
From a certain side of every Sunday
I never know which one
On a corner I saw ......
And we all know who won
............ favorite toy
After all this time she finally spoke up
I didn't hear a word, she didn't say a word
Nihilism
If I need something done
I won't ask you
You'd only let me down
You know you always do
Will you ever grow up
It's hard to tell
I don't have any choice
But to do it all myself
I don't believe in anyone
So don't believe in me
I don't believe in anything
So don't believe in me
Every time I needed you
You turned away
I've learned to just ignore
Every word you say
You don't have any foresight
No master plan
I'm left to do it all
I'm doing the best I can
Every time I start to gain a little faith
I catch a glimpse of you
Reminds me how I got this way
Kaylen
If Kaylen was skinnier
I woulda tried a little harder
To get things going farther
To try and make it work
If she just slimmed down a little
I'd a tried a little more
Maybe kissed her at the door
I'd a-tried like hell to make it work
I know it kinda sounds bad
I ain't sayin that she was fat
I'm just tryin to help her
be the best that she can be
It couldn't hurt to exercise
She'd slim right up before our eyes
And trim that ass right up
To a size three
I know it's not impossible
I seen pictures from days of old
She used to be a looker
Used to be a perfect 10
Nah, she was probably more like an 8
But now she's gone and put on weight
And I don't know if she'll ever be thin again
Hidden Trap
From the back of the bedroom I can see the way you're looking at yourself
And I wonder what I've been missing
In the back of the closet hangs the jacket that you gave me on that day
And I wonder what you were thinking
When you gave up all I was giving
You had me right where you wanted
I forgot to remind you of the promise that you made on New Year's Eve
I could never keep your attention
Just a fading source of affection
A hidden trap
I can't imagine that you're happy sitting there
Can you tell me what you've been thinking
Do I want to know?
I can't believe you believe in yourself
Robert
Divorce yourself and marry Robert
Remind yourself what he has to offer to a girl like you
Inside your engine there is a piston
He'll fix it up and he'll always listen to your droning on
Your late night talk, your always open mouth
But he'll never go outside and he'll always try and hide from you
But you're not exactly a Mona Lisa
You're unscientific and you don't like pizza
And your hair is a mess
But Robert is the only one who'll find you bloody interesting
You never let that Robert go
He'll make your fucking heart sing out
He'll rock you down, he'll fill you up
He'll knock you down, he'll feel you up
Robert always knows what's up
Everyone Loves Dale Jr.
He's got the cutest smile
Those dreamy light blue eyes
Goes faster every mile
Makes everyone fantasize
All the women want to be his wife
All the men want his life
The right blend of image and skill
The perfect driver, looks that kill
Everyone loves Dale Jr.
He's racing's chosen savior
God in a red tracksuit
Avenged death at Daytona
A story too good to be true
While the other drivers lose control
Junior's sitting on the pole
Doesn't matter if you're boy or girl
He's God's gift to a war-torn world
Every boy / girl loves Dale Jr.
Every preacher / inmate loves Dale Jr.
Every housewife / retard loves Dale Jr.
Every desk clerk loves Dale Jr.
Asheville Pizza Company
(Instrumental)
Tiger Woods Golf 2004
Tiger Woods Golf makes me happy
To live in a world where such a perfect game exists
I must be dreaming
'Cause I never thought I could have as much fun as this
I must be dreaming
50 States Is Three Too Many
Fifty states is just three too many for me
'Cause we don't need Utah and we don't need Tennesee
If you think we need Connecticut you're crazy in the head
Just drop those three and go to forty-seven instead
I just checked my e-mail for the sixteenth time today
She wrote me back but she didn't have a lot to say
She wants to take a trip to Bridgeport by the shore
I said "don't you know, we can't go to Connecticut no more"
Shock the World
Consistency is overrated
All it takes is one big score
All your moves are telestrated
As the sweat rains down on the floor
No one thinks that you can do it
No one thinks you got what it takes
Everyone knows you don't have a chance now
Everyone thinks it's a big mistake
Shock them, shock the world
Give it your all and they'll fall
To their knees in defeat
Send the crowd home crying and screaming
Take the momentum and go on a run
They all say that you must be dreaming
Vegas says you're a hundred to one
No one's listening to a word you say
No one will give you the time of day
Everyone thinks you're in over your head now
Everyone thinks you'll be blown away
Shock them, shock the world
Give it your all and they'll fall
To their knees in defeat
A Global Conversation
Adapted from "A Cyberspace Independence Declaration"
by John Perry Barlow
Student Driver
I was driving down the street today
I fell in love with a student driver
She was 14
Maybe she wasn't 14
I don't really know for sure
Maybe she was 30
And she never learned how to drive
So she's taking Driver's Ed
Making me turn my head
To stare at her pretty freshman face
It's not really love 'cause that'd be kinda gross
It's not really love after all
It's not really love if I don't buy a wedding ring
And I don't think her parents would go for that
Get With Me
Get hot with me I wanna take you down
Come on rip me down I wanna strip you down
Don't look me I wanna lick you down
I wanna get you down I wanna strip you down
Get wet with me I wanna bring you down
Come on strap me down you wanna strip me down
Come come with me I wanna get you down
You gotta get me down you're gonna let me down
You wanna strip me
You wanna grip me
You wanna rip me
You have to rip me
We got to get you out of those tight revealing clothes
We gotta get you into something more comfortable
You're dying to see what's hidden away
The question is are you willing to pay
Get raw with me I gotta dress you down
I wanna stare you down you're gonna wear me down
Get soft with me you gotta let it out
You gotta yell it out you're gonna let it out
Get hot with me I wanna take you down
Come on rip me down I wanna strip you down
Don't look me I wanna lick you down
I wanna get you down I wanna strip you down
We're making a mess and it's outta control
That's why we said we better take it slow
I try to explain it but they don't understand
You better get with me now while you can
Pornstar
I don't care what you do for a living
I don't wanna know and I ain't kidding
You got the biggest and the best
No, not your chest
I'm talking about those big blue eyes
Pornstar, pornstar
I met you on my VCR
Don't you understand
Pornstar, pornstar,
I want you more and more
I just wanna be your man
There's just something about that look in your eyes
And a little something between your thighs
You got the nicest I swear
No not your derrier
I'm talking about that pearly whites
Pornstar, pornstar
I don't care who you are
Don't you understand
Pornstar, pornstar,
I think you're gonna go far
I just wanna be your man
I just wanna hold you tight
I just wanna treat you right
I just wanna take a bite
Pornstar, pornstar
Met you on my VCR
Don't you understand
Pornstar, pornstar,
Strokin' on my guitar
I just wanna be your man
Charlize
Have you met my girlfriend
She's standing right here
Her name's Charlize
C-H-A-R-L-I-Z-E
Yeah you heard me right
Her name's Charlize
She's not very famous and she didn't win an Oscar
But she's still all right with me
She wasn't in a movie called The Astronaut's Wife
And she wasn't in Reindeer Games
She works at Target
Her nametag says her name's Charlize
I don't care if you believe me
'Cause I'm telling you straight
Her name's Charlize
She doesn't have blond hair and she wasn't in Playboy
She's not from South Africa
She doesn't have green eyes and she doesn't live in LA
She wasn't in Gattaca
She's just a regular girl who happens to be named Charlize
It's not very common but of course there's girls
That are named Charlize
No one can compare to the Charlize that's here with me
Except of course for the one that was in 2 Days in the Valley
I love her dearly, she's the light of my life
My dear Charlize
Who woulda thought that a guy like with me is with a girl
Named Charlize
She's not 5'9" or engaged to Stuart Townsend
She's not on People's list
You'll probably never see her at an Oscar afterparty
I think you're getting the gist
Make It (but we didn't)
I wrote this song and played it for her before she moved away
The lyrics were all about how I hoped things wouldn't change
Then she broke my heart and left me lonely, sad, and hurt
I really liked the tune a lot so I just changed all the words
You should never write a song about a girl you really love
Just stick to songs about Dale Jr. and Tiger Woods Golf
The ending of this song was like a Hey Jude sing-a-long
I'm gonna sing the original words 'cause it's funny just how badly
They went wrong
When the sun comes up we know that
We're gonna make it after all
When I see your face I know that...
I'm gonna get my shit together...
With a love like this...
But we didn't, no we didn't, but we didn't, no
We'll always be together...
But we didn't, no we didn't, but we didn't, no
You've Got Something
Don't bring me water when I only asked for Sprite
Don't be turning the TV off when I'm lying in bed
On a Saturday night
Don't you think it's time we got it together
Can't you see I'm doing it wrong
I don't have the slightest idea what the hell's going on
Don't be calling my cell phone when you know I'm halfway there
Don't be trying to change my mind 'cause I heard it before
And I don't really care what you think
About how I could be better
I think I'm doing all right, I've been trying my best
Every day every night
Every time that I think it's time to move forward
You give me wink, I give you a sigh
You know I'm screaming inside 'cause I know I can't say goodbye
You've got something that I wanna see
You've got something that I want to be a part of
Circles
I took a wrong turn sometime last December
And I'm not really sure what I need to do
To get myself turned around and remember
Where the hell I was going but I need some time
To figure out a plan of attack
There ain't nothing worse than
Just running in circles
Once in a great while I'm lucky enough
To catch a break or two but
They ain't nothing special
I jump into the car but don't you know
There's something caught under the pedal
Drive around, look around, turn around and come back
It's a terrible cycle of running in circles
Don't wanna do it all again
That's the part where you come in
Take my hand, make me see
What all this running's doing to me
I'm sick and tired of running in circles
Good Stuff
It's no secret that we've had our share of troubles baby
That's all right, we'll persevere
It's no secret that we both have never felt this feeling
And I never thought we'd get here
And I know, I know that
Good stuff is surely gonna happen
It'll happen soon
It'll happen to me, it'll happen to you
Take a look around, smile at the way it's turned out
No one thought it'd be this way
Take a look around, wonder what's still left to come now
What will go, who will stay
And I know, I know that
Good stuff is surely gonna happen
It'll happen soon
It'll happen to me, it'll happen to you
Good stuff is surely gonna happen
It'll happen soon
It'll happen to me, it'll happen to you